I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You can't special order awesome
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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