I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
