The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
