Your face is a jimmy john
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
