Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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