out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
