I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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