I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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