If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
how drunk are you?
Several
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
