is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
