To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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