If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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