She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
