Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
