the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
