mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
