He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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