No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
