Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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