you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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