Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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