I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
