I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
