Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
