So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
