I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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