you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
