so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
