I can't watch pbs sober anymore
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
