just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
