I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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