i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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