woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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