I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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