There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
