I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
