I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
