Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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