well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
