Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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