No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
