My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
