just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
