dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
