Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no you cant smoke seaweed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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