I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's shark week go big or go home
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
