I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so much tequila, so little girl.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
