Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
