Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
