Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
