it's too hot outside to masturbate.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Boobs are out for the taking
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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