how can u be prego again
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
